No Evil
by SushiChica
Summary: Just because the Titans fight against evil every day doesn't mean they don't have little evils of their own. [A Five Part Collection of Inner Conflicts and Character Study]
1. Hear No Evil

**Hear No Evil**

It's not something I like to talk about often. Or at all, even, if it can be helped. It's not like I go around introducing myself as "Raven, daughter of a tyrannical interdementional demon, how're you?" Before the Titans, I rarely introduced myself at all. I'd just slip in and out of people's lives, helping where I could in my own silent way; a kind of redemption for my birthright, if you will. And every time they asked who I was, I'd end up giving them my over rehearsed line about being someone they wouldn't want to be around. Most thought that meant I was a drug dealer of a gang leader. No, it meant so much more than that. Too much more.

And suddenly I found myself with the Titans, accepted into their outlandish group before I could think to say no. I can't lie to myself; I kind of liked it. But I always knew that someday I'd cause them more hurt than any of them deserved to deal with, because no matter how hard I try I can't escape the fact that I am Trigon's daughter and a part of him will always live inside of me.

This dark side…it whispers to me. It tempts me to fall away from myself and let the evil take over once and for all. I can hear it at night, the seductively deadly voice of a demon I don't want to have anything to do with. I live in constant fear that one day I'll grow too tired to resist their words, their voices anymore. I'll lose myself, and in time I'll lose my friends.

It's not something I like to think about either. Entertaining the idea that you can one day destroy all of humanity is not a comforting thought. But the ability, the temptation, it's there and it's real. The voices of my father, my evil, entice me with their whispers. They wait with an unearthly patience for the day I give in.

But I won't give in. I have to fight the demonic things that call to me in my sleep. It's the job of a hero to fight the evil they hear, and that's exactly what I intend to do.

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SushiChica


	2. Touch No Evil

**Touch No Evil**

Nothing really phases me. Not anymore, anyways. I used to get sensitive when someone stared at me too long, or even gave me a semi-strange look. Well, it goes beyond sensitive. I got pissed. Having half your body replaced by metal and being forced to give up everything you love 'cause your new arms, legs, torso, and half head will give you an unfair advantage against other football players leaves you sort of resentful. At everybody. Like the guys who won't let you play, obviously, but also at the guys who still can play. I got pretty angry at my dad too, who made me the way I am. But eventually I realized that he's the reason I'm alive at all.

So what's my evil? Jealousy.

Despite how long I've lived with this, I can't help but feel the same resent as all those years ago toward people more able to feel than I can. Not emotion-wise, obviously, but actual touch. Skin contact. I miss that. I can feel things thanks to the sensors in my robotic parts, but it's not like the breeze I feel on my scalp when I run. Getting hit in a fight isn't the same as when I used to get tackled in football. Being Cyborg with cool metal parts really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Everything is different.

I envy my teammates. I envy the way they can touch one another, hold one another; everything feels real. I've touched and held too, and though I'm told that I'm probably the best listener in the Tower (Raven's stare must be too unnerving), it all seems artificial; as though it's an illusion that will some day go away. I'm over people calling me a monster. I'm used to it. But I don't think I'll ever be able to overcome my bitterness toward any and everybody who has what I don't, including my best friends.

But I won't let it overcome me. I have to fight the resentment I feel toward those with the flesh I lack. It's a hero's job to fight the evil brought about by his inability to touch, and that's exactly what I intend to do.

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SushiChica


	3. Taste No Evil

**Taste No Evil**

I'm a vegetarian. I have been ever since I realized I could change into animals. The thought of cannibalism is kinda disturbing after all. No, _really_ disturbing. Maybe not to someone in some tribe somewhere where there's like, nothing to eat, but dude, the idea that the bacon on Cyborg's plate could've been _me_ kind of creeps me out.

I mean, it's not like someone would cook up a _green_ pig and serve it to guests or anything, especially one that's a superhero named Beast Boy. But even so, I can just imagine what it's like to be butchered and arranged on a platter. It's like what Raven says about out-of-body experiences or whatever.

But lately, I don't know. Lately I can feel myself hungering for meat. Especially when I'm in one of my more carnivorous forms. I can feel the urge to devour flesh; to stop eating twigs and berries and give in to real meat.

I try not to let my animal side interfere with my human thoughts and emotions, but it's hard sometimes. I've lost control before, and I've seen how much damage I can do when I let my more primal thoughts take over my actions, with dangerous results to follow. Completely embracing my animal side…it kind of freaks me out.

I've heard people say that there's evil in all of us, and I guess that's true. Some just have to fight it more than others, because some have responsibilities to people they care about. When I see a dead animal, or a steak on the grill for dinner, it can be a constant battle with my own animalistic thoughts to keep me from tasting the flesh of another previously living, breathing thing; from letting the beast within take over me.

But I won't let it take me. I have to fight the desire to consume flesh and blood. It's a hero's job to fight the evil they long to taste, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

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SushiChica


	4. See No Evil

**See No Evil**

There are still times where I do not think I belong on this planet, though I have been proud to call it my home for nearly four earth years. I often continue to misunderstand many of the idioms humans use, such as the _turning on_ of the light, which requires no turning whatsoever. I cannot comprehend why humans are so suspicious of their friends while they show mercy to their enemies, and though I am able to provide aid in battle, I never feel as much an outsider as when we fight our villains.

As Princess Starfire, I come from Tamaran, a world of unbridled emotions. When we love, it is with all our hearts and no less. When we cry, it is until every tear is shed. And when we fight, it is until every enemy soldier has been brutally slain. Never is there any thought to restraining our adversary, nor driving them back. The objective is to kill, perhaps quickly, but still to kill.

I learned my frist day on earth that this kind of senseless killing was evil. One did not kill the villains, but captured them so they could be sent to a holding area called _jail_. This place reminds me of the Tamaranian dungeons, yet with much less security. It never seems to hold the evil we have spend so much time capturing. Here on earth, a desire for carnage seems more evil than the villains themselves.

I have tamed the bloodlust that has existed within me since birth. Training with Robin and meditation with Raven has indeed helped immensely. But as much as I try, I am well aware that the way I was raised will never leave me, and I fear that one day I might set it free. I have seen so much death in my youth, much of which I, myself had caused. Sometimes I feel myself longing to see it again.

But I will not let this longing overcome me. I must fight the urge to witness the blood of villains who harm the innocent strewn across the streets. It is the job of a hero to fight the evil they long to see, and that is exactly what I intend to do.

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SushiChica


	5. Speak No Evil

**Speak No Evil**

I have the tendency to hurt the people I love the most. Some might call it a bad habit. I think it's worse than that. I don't need to be told that I'm obsessive and paranoid. I know it. But it took a dream about Slade to make me realize how brutal I could be to the people who are closest to me. It's this alone that convinces me that there's something inside me that's evil.

My intentions are good. I'm sure of that. Whatever I do, I do for the good of the team; my friends. But somehow that good pretense is lost when I go too far, when I destroy before I've even finished building. I've seen the look in Starfire's eyes when I've lost my cool, how she shrinks under my gaze, and it kills me to do it to her but it never seems to matter until the moment passes and I hate myself for letting it happen.

What's interesting is that I was trained by the Batman, the master of keeping everything together. No emotion escaped him when he didn't want it to. He was brooding, solitary, and obsessive over his cases with little or no regard for is own well being, let alone anyone else's.

Perhaps he taught his sidekick Robin too well.

I can tell when my team, my friends, get irritated when I refuse to leave my room for hours at a time. I've been physically dragged away from work on more than one occasion. All this because I commit the worst kind of evil on an almost weekly basis: letting the people I care about get the worst of me. I stay the most awful things to them, they get the darkest part of my anger. I see how my words affect them, how sometimes they tiptoe around me as if afraid to light the fuse, and I can't let myself get away with speaking such evil.

But I _won't_ let myself get away with verbally abusing the people I love most. It's the job of a hero to fight the evil they senselessly speak, and that's exactly what I intend to do.

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SushiChica


End file.
